tell me wat u think of my story

[x~Melody~x]

i'll continue wen i get some reply's:)

this is my story CHAPTER 1

“NOW NAOMI! WE HAVE TO GO NOW!”
“Ok, ok, im coming dad, calm down.”
Dad rolled his eyes over and turned round to head for the door, while I scurried back upstairs to put my make on. We were going to China Rose, the best restraunt ever, and you have to be dressed for the occasion. Im wearing my aqua dress, crystal earrings (and yes, they are heavy!) white sparkly pumps (shoes) matching handbag, and matching jewellery. I look lovely. I ran downstairs trying not to break a heal… phew, I didn’t.
On the way there I phoned Yasmin (Yas for short)
“Oh my gosh! Hey!”
“Hey”
“ What’s that background noise, were are you?”
“ Ok, you’ll never guess, but im on my way, to China rose!”
“ No way! Shut up!”
“ I know!”
“ Its like, the most expensive place in the history of expensive restaurants!”
I giggled and said, “ Oh man! gotta go, were nearly there and I gotta freshen up, you never know who I will meet there.”
“ Ok, byez xoxo,”
“ Tooldes xoxo”
I could tell that Dad and Mum were curious about what I meant by ‘ You never know who I will meet there.’ So I freshend up and got ready, adjusted my bra and all, make up check. Perfect. Im good to go.

The next morning was such a rush, cos’ we got back late. Mum stubbed her toe, and I heard a sudden, “ ****!”
I giggled and headed for the door, ready to meet Yas on the way to school, grabbing my toast and legging it through the door. Me and Yas walked to school and decided to go shopping after school. Oh my god, could class be more boring, I had to sit and hour through an old smelly lad going; “ Who knows the square route of pie?” Ugh, if I had to do that all day I would burst into a million infinitesimal pieces! Anyway moving on form that horrible nightmare, when me and Yas got back from shopping we fashion showed and rated the clothes out of 10 on each other it was awesome, now I have planned what im going to wear tomorrow for school: Black leather boots, skinny jeans, long top, beret, and believe me, it looks AWSOME. I cant wait to show my threads to all the people in the hallway. And im pretty sure Amber will be jealous. Oh, sorry I dint introduce her, Amber has been my arch enemy since grade school, I hate her so much…


if you want to hear more then please reply

[priestess94]

sweet! plez go on

[x~Melody~x]

thanks! sure

Chapter 2

I was sitting on my bed and something struck my mind ' i know it may seem like i have everything in the wolrd; nice big house, good perants, great friends. but i dont have one thing : a boyfriend....
then i drifted off to sleep

On the way to school Yas and i got our lunch from the petrol station.....(ya, we both know it sounds lame but we gotta do wat we gotta do)
"were only buyig our lunch here to avoid contact with our family anyway." Yas blurted out
"meh, it was worth it"
we laughed and headed over to the cash register

ok, NOW, i have eveytihng in the world, i just met my dream match, he had black hair, he was tall, green eyes. i went into a sudden druel phase
oh no my phone rang, i answered it and it was Yas's text, it said:
turn down the druel meeter, u'll freak him out

i shot a look at her and whipped my chin i blushed as red as a tamato, i tried to cover it up with my hair, it harldy worked though

[little_white_fox]

i'll continue wen i get some reply's:)

this is my story CHAPTER 1

“NOW NAOMI! WE HAVE TO GO NOW!”
“Ok, ok, im coming dad, calm down.”
Dad rolled his eyes over and turned round to head for the door, while I scurried back upstairs to put my make on. We were going to China Rose, the best restraunt ever, and you have to be dressed for the occasion. Im wearing my aqua dress, crystal earrings (and yes, they are heavy!) white sparkly pumps (shoes) matching handbag, and matching jewellery. I look lovely. I ran downstairs trying not to break a heal… phew, I didn’t.
On the way there I phoned Yasmin (Yas for short)
“Oh my gosh! Hey!”
“Hey”
“ What’s that background noise, were are you?”
“ Ok, you’ll never guess, but im on my way, to China rose!”
“ No way! Shut up!”
“ I know!”
“ Its like, the most expensive place in the history of expensive restaurants!”
I giggled and said, “ Oh man! gotta go, were nearly there and I gotta freshen up, you never know who I will meet there.”
“ Ok, byez xoxo,”
“ Tooldes xoxo”
I could tell that Dad and Mum were curious about what I meant by ‘ You never know who I will meet there.’ So I freshend up and got ready, adjusted my bra and all, make up check. Perfect. Im good to go.

The next morning was such a rush, cos’ we got back late. Mum stubbed her toe, and I heard a sudden, “ ****!”
I giggled and headed for the door, ready to meet Yas on the way to school, grabbing my toast and legging it through the door. Me and Yas walked to school and decided to go shopping after school. Oh my god, could class be more boring, I had to sit and hour through an old smelly lad going; “ Who knows the square route of pie?” Ugh, if I had to do that all day I would burst into a million infinitesimal pieces! Anyway moving on form that horrible nightmare, when me and Yas got back from shopping we fashion showed and rated the clothes out of 10 on each other it was awesome, now I have planned what im going to wear tomorrow for school: Black leather boots, skinny jeans, long top, beret, and believe me, it looks AWSOME. I cant wait to show my threads to all the people in the hallway. And im pretty sure Amber will be jealous. Oh, sorry I dint introduce her, Amber has been my arch enemy since grade school, I hate her so much…


if you want to hear more then please reply


hmmmm very nice

[priestess94]

hmmmm very nice

its not just very nice its great!:-P :-)

[x~Melody~x]

thanks! lol

[priestess94]

thanks! lol

welcome:griningmonkey

[elizaTrickster]

It's like totally Trippindicular, you know? :rolleyes: That Amber girl? Like, gag me with a spoon! I bet she's just bummin' because the main character is just so totally awe-some!

[premiumdancer]

It's like totally Trippindicular, you know? :rolleyes: That Amber girl? Like, gag me with a spoon! I bet she's just bummin' because the main character is just so totally awe-some!

Like, I know! I bet Amber's like, soo grody. Like, gross-me-out, you know?

[x~Melody~x]

lol, im gettin to a bit were she dus sumthin rly horrible 2 Naomi and Yas

[crazy_chick]

....Look I'm sorry, but I just do not see what you guys see in this. There're serious tense problems for starters not to mention the sporadic punctuation, lack of detail, time confusion, and missing plot line! What are you thinking???

[elizaTrickster]

....Look I'm sorry, but I just do not see what you guys see in this. There're serious tense problems for starters not to mention the sporadic punctuation, lack of detail, time confusion, and missing plot line! What are you thinking???

i suppose you didn't catch the sarcasam in premiumdancer's and my own posts.

[premiumdancer]

i suppose you didn't catch the sarcasam in premiumdancer's and my own posts.

Unless she did, and just isn't talking about us, since we obviously don't belong in that category.

[elizaTrickster]

Unless she did, and just isn't talking about us, since we obviously don't belong in that category.

true that could be the case.

[crazy_chick]

After a look back at them I did. ^^ Sorry, I was so overwhelmed by the story I didn't notice.

[premiumdancer]

After a look back at them I did. ^^ Sorry, I was so overwhelmed by the story I didn't notice.

That's perfectly all right.

[priestess94]

FRICKIN MEANIES!!!!!!!!!!! if you dont like it why dont you just say that??????

[premiumdancer]

FRICKIN MEANIES!!!!!!!!!!! if you dont like it why dont you just say that??????

We did say it. Just in a more creative and interesting way. :]

[priestess94]

no coment :p


EATING PPUUDDIINNGG!!!!

[crazy_chick]

FRICKIN MEANIES!!!!!!!!!!! if you dont like it why dont you just say that??????
Out of curiosity did you actually read the story or have you actually no taste in books or writing at all?

[priestess94]

well excuse me i do have a taste in books so :P have you ever heard of "Warriors" by a erin hunter , or "The devils arithmatic" by jane yolen ,"the left behind series" by jerry B. jenkins and tim lahaye

VERY GOOD BOOKS AND IF YOU WANT I CAN TELL YOU MORE ABOUT THEM

[x~Melody~x]

um......that gurl who thinks my story is rubbish, keep in mind that im not a pro writer, and i wrote it properly on micrsoft word, and i only missed grammar, punctuation and spelling out because this is a forum and, ussually, only freaks type properly on a forum. so, keep that in mind.

[x~Melody~x]

oh yes, and thnx priestess94 4 defending my story

[x~Melody~x]

SORRY BUT IM NOT WRITING OR FINISHING THIS STORY ANYMORE ITS TOO MUDDLED UP AND I HAVENT HAD TIME TO GO TO IT
SORRY
people who actually liked it
not mentioning any names...
>.>

[~scarlet*elixir~]

um......that gurl who thinks my story is rubbish, keep in mind that im not a pro writer, and i wrote it properly on micrsoft word, and i only missed grammar, punctuation and spelling out because this is a forum and, ussually, only freaks type properly on a forum. so, keep that in mind.

hmmmm... so because i type properly on a forum means i'm a freak? hmmm... i feel offended *nibbles on candy*

[bloodXstainedXkisses]

hmmmm... so because i type properly on a forum means i'm a freak? hmmm... i feel offended *nibbles on candy*

i concur scarlet!

[ILuvMangos]

um......that gurl who thinks my story is rubbish, keep in mind that im not a pro writer, and i wrote it properly on micrsoft word, and i only missed grammar, punctuation and spelling out because this is a forum and, ussually, only freaks type properly on a forum. so, keep that in mind.
Well excuse me. I happen to type properly on a forum, but I'm not a freak. Maybe people just want to be different, infact more people who type properly on furoms is the better.
You're story might not intrest many people because its girly-ish, most people are into the dark and mysterious stuff and fantasy.

[Thinkbluethoughts]

It's like totally Trippindicular, you know? :rolleyes: That Amber girl? Like, gag me with a spoon! I bet she's just bummin' because the main character is just so totally awe-some!

Like, I know! I bet Amber's like, soo grody. Like, gross-me-out, you know?

Oooh, talk about major Flamage.:D

[~scarlet*elixir~]

Well excuse me. I happen to type properly on a forum, but I'm not a freak. Maybe people just want to be different, infact more people who type properly on furoms is the better.
You're story might not intrest many people because its girly-ish, most people are into the dark and mysterious stuff and fantasy.



I agree with you mangos-chan.
hmmmm maybe if the story was about vampires I'd be interested. girly pink things are not for me, with werewolves and vampires is where I want to be.

[wiangube]

I think I've lived your situation in the past. I remember when my wife these pumps shoes:

www.jildorshoes.com/category.cfm/hurl/Pumps/catID=25459 (http://www.jildorshoes.com/category.cfm/hurl/Pumps/catID=25459)