~~+fetish+~~

[Sceadu]

I got myself a violence fetish
And don't you ever forget it.
I got a violence fetish
I'll make sure you never forget it.

Blistering burns,
Tourniquet, worn,
Bubbling hate,
Cynical date.

Fetish for the blood,
Love for the flood,
Of sweet, thick, red
Flowing, glowing life.
I'm gonna make you feel it,
Slow, deep, and hard, babe.

Ain't nobody gonna heal my pain,
Ain't nobody gonna feel my shame,
I'm gonna eat your soul,
And your body too.
Make sure my secret is never told.

My violence fetish.
Ain't nothing gonna protect this
From me and my...
Very own...
Violence...
Fetish...


((Some thing akin to the 'edited' form of Fetish; mainly just the more personal things taken out... about three stanzas or so.

My poem of hate, from my very own Book of Emo Poetry... Yes, I wrote it. Not anybody else. Thank you very much.

Don't care what you think bout emos or masochism or fetishes. All I want to know is if this is even a slightly ok poem. I have many more, in my Emo Poem Book of DOOMz. That is if anyone wants to see them. And if anyone wants to see the full version of Fetish, lemme know.

I'm also not concerned about the grammar; the 'ain't's are in there for a reason.))

[premiumdancer]

It's not the worst thing I've ever read in my life, though not the best, either. As a whole, there's nothing that really bothers me that much, although it's not really my cup of tea. The last stanza, though, is annoying, just because of the elipses after those four lines. Why are they there? It just sounds like you're calling the lines out and then pausing before going on to the next one. (The poem, except for those lines, reads aloud all right, by the way.)

[Sceadu]

It's not the worst thing I've ever read in my life, though not the best, either. As a whole, there's nothing that really bothers me that much, although it's not really my cup of tea. The last stanza, though, is annoying, just because of the elipses after those four lines. Why are they there? It just sounds like you're calling the lines out and then pausing before going on to the next one. (The poem, except for those lines, reads aloud all right, by the way.)
Because that's exactly what I was doing. It's not supposed to be a masterpiece you know. I prefer ameatur, when it comes down to it.
I'm not very good at rhyming, as you can probably see.

[Sweetie2393]

I like it, its different...

[Amoru]

its good i like it. the last stanza kinda seems to me like you are getting quieter between each elipses. to me it kinda gives it a horror story feel. i likes it.

[Sceadu]

its good i like it. the last stanza kinda seems to me like you are getting quieter between each elipses. to me it kinda gives it a horror story feel. i likes it.
Yay! Someone actually likes it! *glomps*

[Sweetie2393]

I said I liked it too >.>.

[Sceadu]

I said I liked it too >.>.
I know! *glomps you too*

Happy? :)

[Sweetie2393]

Yesh :]
*glomps back*

[Sceadu]

Yesh :]
*glomps back*
YAYS!! I've been glomp-ed!

[Sweetie2393]

xD
Yeah...

[Sceadu]

Sick in the head, they said.
Something there's gone awry, they cry.
Its blood stained the wall,
And fall do they all,
In fear of The Sick One,
Whom comes, hatred blackening the sun.

[premiumdancer]

Because that's exactly what I was doing. It's not supposed to be a masterpiece you know. I prefer ameatur, when it comes down to it.
I'm not very good at rhyming, as you can probably see.

Maybe it's just the way I'm reading those lines, then. I just don't like the way they sound. (I realise that my opinion doesn't really matter, and I'm not expecting you to change them because I said something about them.)
I'm glad you're not very good at rhyming. I hate rhyming. People have gotten this ridiculous notion in their heads that a rhyming poem is a good poem. Consequently, people only focus on making sure the lines rhyme, and ignore making the poem actually make sense.

[Sceadu]

Maybe it's just the way I'm reading those lines, then. I just don't like the way they sound. (I realise that my opinion doesn't really matter, and I'm not expecting you to change them because I said something about them.)
I'm glad you're not very good at rhyming. I hate rhyming. People have gotten this ridiculous notion in their heads that a rhyming poem is a good poem. Consequently, people only focus on making sure the lines rhyme, and ignore making the poem actually make sense.
Exactly. When I was first given a poem project like thing, everyone's in the class' rhymed, but not a single one made sense, or even have a constant tempo.