gimmethattop
01-06-2008, 08:34 PM
Heh. I wrote this short story as a school assignment a few months ago. Didn't get a single comment on it on my dA besides a few from a real life friend who already read it, so I decided to post it here in hopes of some comments/critique. Please, point out any typos or grammatical errors. I know there are a few, and somehow they just keep popping back into place.
I tied it in with several different stories/games/TV shows. If you find a reference, put it in your comment for a digital cookie.
The title's completely random, heh. As is this story. All names, characters and occurances are made up.
Yes, the school name was taken out, since it's my own, and I can't think of a better one.
Go ahead and make fun of me for the suffixes. They have their reasons.
Oh. Plus, steal this and die a very painful death. <3 Have a nice day.
----------
Acid Rain.
Finally, I'm here! Light pokes her head out from behind a car in the parking lot. Sneaking from vehicle to vehicle, she closes in on her target - her school. A false smile plays on her lips. She was so excited and hyper earlier; why is nervousness settling in already? I bet it's the cold, she thinks, noting how the chill of the night is settling in on her, irritating each inch of exposed skin. There's nothing like blaming your problems on someone or something else, and when you can back it up with science, it feels all the better. Satisfied with this answer, the fourteen-year-old approaches the building. Apprehension - mixed with the bitter wind, of course - tortures her every step of the way. Her ticket is taken at the door. Accepted into the dance, she's pushed right into the gym, and faced with hundreds of people. Add claustrophobia to the list now. The crowd undulates, loud music pounds in her ears. Completely lost, she feels smaller than ever before.
"Light!"
The calling of her name catches her attention and her head swivels around to allow her gray eyes to search for the speaker. At first all she sees is unfamiliar faces, but eventually, one person stands out.
"Katherine!" Light screeches in return, overzealous again because of the single sighting. Lifting her feet slowly, a scene not unlike one you would find in a cheap romance film commences. As if in a sunlit meadow and faced with her lover, she leaps in slow-motion with her arms spread wide in her friend's direction. Not only does the group filling the gym help with this, but her choice to wear high-heels aids her, as well, since anything faster would be relatively challenging. When the brunette is only a foot or two away, she tries to dive into her arms, but ends up side-stepped and face-down on the ground.
An extended hand lifts her to her feet again. "Personal space, Light, personal space."
"I know nothing of the sort, K-chan," Light barks, annoyed with her. Brushing dust and wrinkles from her dress, she glances around. "Where's everyone else?"
Katherine frowns. "Evelyn and Arisa aren't coming."
Our protagonist blinks. Momentarily, her anger flares. "THOSE--" The following word is cut off as another girl joins the group. Breathing heavily, she leans over, hands on her knees, blonde-brown hair obscuring her face.
"I'm here, I'm here!" Raising her head to grin at the two others, she reveals herself as Arisa.
"ARIIISAA!" This time, her tackle attempt works.
"Sorry to break up the love-fest, but how did you get here?" Katherine asks.
Arisa pushes Light away and pulls the three into a triangle of silence. "I snuck out," she whispers.
Light gasps. "Me too!"
"But your parents said you could go!" both of her friends incredulously shout.
Light smirks boastfully. "What's the fun in that? Now, on to more important matters." What she says next isn't in doubt; anyone who knows anything about the wannabe detective can figure out she has a one track mind. "Have either of you seen Evan?" Yes, it's all Evan, all the time, with few interruptions.
Arisa sighs. She hasn't approved of Light's unhealthy obsession for the longest time. Reluctantly, a hand is raised, and a finger is pointed. "He's with the rest of the jocks back there."
Unsurprisingly, once her eyes find her desire, she lapses into fangirl mode. Clasping her hands, she squeals and examines him from top to bottom. Long brown locks, curled at the ends, meet her gaze first. "That hair!" Next, the dreamy way he's beaming at his friends. "That smile!" After that, what he's wearing. "That outfit!" By now, her friends have joined in, mimicking her movements right on time. It's obvious she's done it before. A few more things are brought to light until the girl ends up screaming, "I WANT HIM!" The others can barely hold her back.
By the time the fourteen-year-old has finished her rantings, a daydream begins playing in her mind. For no apparent reason, he'd find her irresistible, ask her to dance, and sweep her into a romantic waltz. Every moment would be absolutely perfect, and everything she's been hoping for.
"As if, Hikari-chan," Arisa chides. Evidently, she explained every aspect of it aloud without realizing it.
"You don't know--" Light begins, but her denial is intruded upon by giggles behind her.
"Heheheheheh! And the school will be ours! <3 Anytime now, Jane'll start the plan, and we can take down these idiot freshmen."
"Plus the others that just didn't vote us as part of homecoming court," the other says, and they both start cackling once more.
Light perks an eyebrow and meets her friend's questioning gazes. They don't know anything, either. "I don't like the sound of that."
Without warning, the deafening roar of blasting rock-and-roll dies away. Puzzled, the dancers stop in place, and the chatter subsides as well. All is silent until a voice flows melodically from somewhere above.
"Good evening, _____ High School!" a high voice bellows, full of satisfaction. "I'm Jane Goodfriend, and we, the student council, have some annoucements for you. As of now, you're all under our control!"
A few scattered screams enter the air as hidden members leap out and tie random assortments of people together with large ropes. Most of the rest are too surprised to act, and the few left over think it's all a joke.
"This is payback for your horrible choices for homecoming court, and you freshmen for defiling our territory. The school's now ours. Don't underestimate us; we have powers you can't even begin to imagine. Succumb to our strength, and have a nice day.~"
The danger starts sinking in only once the threats come out, laden with contempt. Anyone shrieking now is silenced with a blow to the head, rarely leaving them conscious.
Light grimaces and struggles against her bonds. Katherine fights with her, tethered to her back. I've got to do something! But what?! Nothing comes to mind. Without any more possibilities, she cracks. Opening her mouth wide, she cries, "HEEEEAAALLLPP!"
Katherine elbows her borderline-insane friend. "They're not coming, you idiot!" the ninth-grader mutters under her breath.
"Be quiet!" One of the members commands, whacking Light on the top of her head. Luckily, she's one of the few to keep awake. This only pushes her over the edge.
"THAT'S IT!" the girl hollers, forcing her way out of the ropes by one way or another. Any eyes that hadn't flown to her during her previous scream do so now. Light points dramatically at her assailant. "I've had enough! It's time for a hero to step up and save everybody, and since you messed up my dream night with Evan, I'll be that person!"
(If she had bothered to look back during her speech, she would've noticed Evan and his crowd giving her odd looks. But she didn't.)
Her heroic monologue, a sibling to those found in most movies, helps her not, contrary to popular belief. The same junior marches toward her and knocks her down with little effort. "No way."
"ANNIHILATE!"
As if things couldn't get any wierder, everyone around her drops dead. A lone individual enters the gym, a black laptop cradled in both hands. Bissfully, he declares with vigor, "And now the school is mine."
Not able to put two and two together despite her detective status - whether or not it's as an amateur - Light gets to her feet instead of staying put and waiting things out. Eyes wide, she peers around at her classmates and then at the man before her, easily recognized as one of her teachers. "I-I KNEW you were evil! I KNEW IT!" the fourteen-year-old stutters when the moment of disorientation passes.
He sniggers. "Yes, I am. And now you'll join them on their deathbed. Ready to die, Miss Jones?"
"NEVER!" Light wails, and dashes toward him. Seconds before impact he finishes typing furiously and that dreaded word is said: "ANNIHILATE!" She blacks out, the last thing she hears being his maniacal laughter.
. . . No. . . . Evan! . . . Noooo! . . .
Approximately thirty seconds later she re-opens her eyes. For some reason, she hasn't lost consciousness yet. Huh?
Her teacher laughs much more good-naturedly and helps her to her feet whether or not she wants his aid. "Light Jones, you've just been Gangster'd!"
Light's reaction, once again, is delayed. ". . . Really? The student council was kidding, too? Do I get to meet that famous dude?!"
"Actually, we were serious." A bunch of the student council members stand up and advance on her.
"Oh," she mumbles. This time, the head strike truly does leave her unconscious.
I tied it in with several different stories/games/TV shows. If you find a reference, put it in your comment for a digital cookie.
The title's completely random, heh. As is this story. All names, characters and occurances are made up.
Yes, the school name was taken out, since it's my own, and I can't think of a better one.
Go ahead and make fun of me for the suffixes. They have their reasons.
Oh. Plus, steal this and die a very painful death. <3 Have a nice day.
----------
Acid Rain.
Finally, I'm here! Light pokes her head out from behind a car in the parking lot. Sneaking from vehicle to vehicle, she closes in on her target - her school. A false smile plays on her lips. She was so excited and hyper earlier; why is nervousness settling in already? I bet it's the cold, she thinks, noting how the chill of the night is settling in on her, irritating each inch of exposed skin. There's nothing like blaming your problems on someone or something else, and when you can back it up with science, it feels all the better. Satisfied with this answer, the fourteen-year-old approaches the building. Apprehension - mixed with the bitter wind, of course - tortures her every step of the way. Her ticket is taken at the door. Accepted into the dance, she's pushed right into the gym, and faced with hundreds of people. Add claustrophobia to the list now. The crowd undulates, loud music pounds in her ears. Completely lost, she feels smaller than ever before.
"Light!"
The calling of her name catches her attention and her head swivels around to allow her gray eyes to search for the speaker. At first all she sees is unfamiliar faces, but eventually, one person stands out.
"Katherine!" Light screeches in return, overzealous again because of the single sighting. Lifting her feet slowly, a scene not unlike one you would find in a cheap romance film commences. As if in a sunlit meadow and faced with her lover, she leaps in slow-motion with her arms spread wide in her friend's direction. Not only does the group filling the gym help with this, but her choice to wear high-heels aids her, as well, since anything faster would be relatively challenging. When the brunette is only a foot or two away, she tries to dive into her arms, but ends up side-stepped and face-down on the ground.
An extended hand lifts her to her feet again. "Personal space, Light, personal space."
"I know nothing of the sort, K-chan," Light barks, annoyed with her. Brushing dust and wrinkles from her dress, she glances around. "Where's everyone else?"
Katherine frowns. "Evelyn and Arisa aren't coming."
Our protagonist blinks. Momentarily, her anger flares. "THOSE--" The following word is cut off as another girl joins the group. Breathing heavily, she leans over, hands on her knees, blonde-brown hair obscuring her face.
"I'm here, I'm here!" Raising her head to grin at the two others, she reveals herself as Arisa.
"ARIIISAA!" This time, her tackle attempt works.
"Sorry to break up the love-fest, but how did you get here?" Katherine asks.
Arisa pushes Light away and pulls the three into a triangle of silence. "I snuck out," she whispers.
Light gasps. "Me too!"
"But your parents said you could go!" both of her friends incredulously shout.
Light smirks boastfully. "What's the fun in that? Now, on to more important matters." What she says next isn't in doubt; anyone who knows anything about the wannabe detective can figure out she has a one track mind. "Have either of you seen Evan?" Yes, it's all Evan, all the time, with few interruptions.
Arisa sighs. She hasn't approved of Light's unhealthy obsession for the longest time. Reluctantly, a hand is raised, and a finger is pointed. "He's with the rest of the jocks back there."
Unsurprisingly, once her eyes find her desire, she lapses into fangirl mode. Clasping her hands, she squeals and examines him from top to bottom. Long brown locks, curled at the ends, meet her gaze first. "That hair!" Next, the dreamy way he's beaming at his friends. "That smile!" After that, what he's wearing. "That outfit!" By now, her friends have joined in, mimicking her movements right on time. It's obvious she's done it before. A few more things are brought to light until the girl ends up screaming, "I WANT HIM!" The others can barely hold her back.
By the time the fourteen-year-old has finished her rantings, a daydream begins playing in her mind. For no apparent reason, he'd find her irresistible, ask her to dance, and sweep her into a romantic waltz. Every moment would be absolutely perfect, and everything she's been hoping for.
"As if, Hikari-chan," Arisa chides. Evidently, she explained every aspect of it aloud without realizing it.
"You don't know--" Light begins, but her denial is intruded upon by giggles behind her.
"Heheheheheh! And the school will be ours! <3 Anytime now, Jane'll start the plan, and we can take down these idiot freshmen."
"Plus the others that just didn't vote us as part of homecoming court," the other says, and they both start cackling once more.
Light perks an eyebrow and meets her friend's questioning gazes. They don't know anything, either. "I don't like the sound of that."
Without warning, the deafening roar of blasting rock-and-roll dies away. Puzzled, the dancers stop in place, and the chatter subsides as well. All is silent until a voice flows melodically from somewhere above.
"Good evening, _____ High School!" a high voice bellows, full of satisfaction. "I'm Jane Goodfriend, and we, the student council, have some annoucements for you. As of now, you're all under our control!"
A few scattered screams enter the air as hidden members leap out and tie random assortments of people together with large ropes. Most of the rest are too surprised to act, and the few left over think it's all a joke.
"This is payback for your horrible choices for homecoming court, and you freshmen for defiling our territory. The school's now ours. Don't underestimate us; we have powers you can't even begin to imagine. Succumb to our strength, and have a nice day.~"
The danger starts sinking in only once the threats come out, laden with contempt. Anyone shrieking now is silenced with a blow to the head, rarely leaving them conscious.
Light grimaces and struggles against her bonds. Katherine fights with her, tethered to her back. I've got to do something! But what?! Nothing comes to mind. Without any more possibilities, she cracks. Opening her mouth wide, she cries, "HEEEEAAALLLPP!"
Katherine elbows her borderline-insane friend. "They're not coming, you idiot!" the ninth-grader mutters under her breath.
"Be quiet!" One of the members commands, whacking Light on the top of her head. Luckily, she's one of the few to keep awake. This only pushes her over the edge.
"THAT'S IT!" the girl hollers, forcing her way out of the ropes by one way or another. Any eyes that hadn't flown to her during her previous scream do so now. Light points dramatically at her assailant. "I've had enough! It's time for a hero to step up and save everybody, and since you messed up my dream night with Evan, I'll be that person!"
(If she had bothered to look back during her speech, she would've noticed Evan and his crowd giving her odd looks. But she didn't.)
Her heroic monologue, a sibling to those found in most movies, helps her not, contrary to popular belief. The same junior marches toward her and knocks her down with little effort. "No way."
"ANNIHILATE!"
As if things couldn't get any wierder, everyone around her drops dead. A lone individual enters the gym, a black laptop cradled in both hands. Bissfully, he declares with vigor, "And now the school is mine."
Not able to put two and two together despite her detective status - whether or not it's as an amateur - Light gets to her feet instead of staying put and waiting things out. Eyes wide, she peers around at her classmates and then at the man before her, easily recognized as one of her teachers. "I-I KNEW you were evil! I KNEW IT!" the fourteen-year-old stutters when the moment of disorientation passes.
He sniggers. "Yes, I am. And now you'll join them on their deathbed. Ready to die, Miss Jones?"
"NEVER!" Light wails, and dashes toward him. Seconds before impact he finishes typing furiously and that dreaded word is said: "ANNIHILATE!" She blacks out, the last thing she hears being his maniacal laughter.
. . . No. . . . Evan! . . . Noooo! . . .
Approximately thirty seconds later she re-opens her eyes. For some reason, she hasn't lost consciousness yet. Huh?
Her teacher laughs much more good-naturedly and helps her to her feet whether or not she wants his aid. "Light Jones, you've just been Gangster'd!"
Light's reaction, once again, is delayed. ". . . Really? The student council was kidding, too? Do I get to meet that famous dude?!"
"Actually, we were serious." A bunch of the student council members stand up and advance on her.
"Oh," she mumbles. This time, the head strike truly does leave her unconscious.