Ways Out, -{More serious}-

[Krying Kare]

Frustration can be easy to releave.
Though I take the road of difficulty.
The pain I want to recieve.
The relief it gives me.
The rush of neutral self pity.
I can cut my wrists.
Or lighters and blisters.
Sex or drugs.
Theres so many ways I can relieve myself of frustration.
I want the world to cave in.
My mind stop workin.
The pain pushes me down.
So the world stops spinning.
My heart stops beating.
My mind quits screaming.
So many ways out.

[TheTableInTheSky]

We either proclaim you a genius, or you've just confused us into a corner.

How to spell / use appropriate grammar:

"releave" = relieve
"self pity" = self-pity
"Theres" = There are or There're

Content:

"Frustration can be easy to releave.
Though I take the road of difficulty.
The pain I want to recieve.
The relief it gives me.
The rush of neutral self pity."

Although 'though' and 'but' mean essentially the same thing, using 'but' in place of 'though' would help to convey the message more clearly. It makes it sound like you are more definitely contradicting the previous line.

We don't think that self-pity is neutral. In fact, it's pretty one-sided.

"I can cut my wrists.
Or liters and blisters.
Sex or drugs."

We think you should use 'could' instead of 'can'. Everyone knows you are physically capable of cutting your wrists. Unless you have no wrists to cut. By using 'could' it implies that you could but something is stopping you.

We just don't understand what you are trying to say. What do you mean by 'liters'? This is, for once, something we'd actually like answered and are not just being jerks. Perhaps you mean lighters! We seriously just thought of that! Dude!

"Theres so many ways I can relieve myself of frustration."

This just throws off the rhythm because it's a whole sentence. Before, you were using a bunch of sentence fragments, and by switching it up, it throws off the emperor's groove.

"I want the world to cave in.
My mind stop workin.
The pain pushes me down.
So the world stops spinning.
My heart stops beating.
My mind quits screaming.
So many ways out."

We think that you should change "My mind quits screaming" to "My mind stops screaming" to keep it consistent. Or change another one of the 'stops' to something other than 'stops' or 'quits'.

[Mczurlos]

Well, um...it's nice to critisize but other than the spelling errors I think that you're comments throw off the poetic flow. And maybe the poet is happy that you all (you insisted on using "we") do not understand their feelings. After all, isn't poetry a portal into one's soul? And look at Emily Dickinson, one of the greatest poets to ever live (So I hope to God I spelt her name right). One could spend a lifetime just analyzing one of her poems. But still...I guess it's nice just to give people some feedback, or how else should they get better? -_-

[SiriuslyRemus]

Hm, I agree with some of what table says, disagree with other bits. I must say, to MCzurlos, the point of posting on the internet SHOULD be for advanced critique, which is what table gives. It's not allways nice, but honestly, if all you want is possitive feedback, show a friend, 'cause you won't allways get good stuff on the net.

As to the poem itself, I like the flow of it, though it is thrown off in a few places, I beleive that happens with most poems. All in all a nice job.

[Krying Kare]

We either proclaim you a genius, or you've just confused us into a corner.

How to spell / use appropriate grammar:

"releave" = relieve
"self pity" = self-pity
"Theres" = There are or There're

Content:

"Frustration can be easy to releave.
Though I take the road of difficulty.
The pain I want to recieve.
The relief it gives me.
The rush of neutral self pity."

Although 'though' and 'but' mean essentially the same thing, using 'but' in place of 'though' would help to convey the message more clearly. It makes it sound like you are more definitely contradicting the previous line.

We don't think that self-pity is neutral. In fact, it's pretty one-sided.

"I can cut my wrists.
Or liters and blisters.
Sex or drugs."

We think you should use 'could' instead of 'can'. Everyone knows you are physically capable of cutting your wrists. Unless you have no wrists to cut. By using 'could' it implies that you could but something is stopping you.

We just don't understand what you are trying to say. What do you mean by 'liters'? This is, for once, something we'd actually like answered and are not just being jerks. Perhaps you mean lighters! We seriously just thought of that! Dude!

"Theres so many ways I can relieve myself of frustration."

This just throws off the rhythm because it's a whole sentence. Before, you were using a bunch of sentence fragments, and by switching it up, it throws off the emperor's groove.

"I want the world to cave in.
My mind stop workin.
The pain pushes me down.
So the world stops spinning.
My heart stops beating.
My mind quits screaming.
So many ways out."

We think that you should change "My mind quits screaming" to "My mind stops screaming" to keep it consistent. Or change another one of the 'stops' to something other than 'stops' or 'quits'.

-{...........}-

The cutting wrists part, I prefer to leave 'can' in there.My reasons?Because in my mind i litterally can, saying 'could' (as you so graciously pointed out) would mean theres something stoping me!Nothing stoping me, so it remains 'can' unless, you have an even better reaspon for me to change it.

The other stuff is minor and can be fixed when im not busy.