Delightful. I wrote a play.

[Soaki-chan]

I wrote this back in January.
It happens to be a spoof on "The Nightingale".
We had to write a drama adaptation on a short story we had in our literature books in school.
I think it's quite clever myself. :3
XDD

The nightingale




SCENE ONE



(Prez Obama steps out, admiring his new home, unnoticing of the narrator. Moves around a bit to look at random stuff. Narrator is center, preparing herself to speak)

NARRATOR: President Obama had a pretty cool crib, ya know. Pimped out with pictures, fancy furniture, and the like. His yard was awesome, too. Big. Fit for a president. Which is great, because he is. Also held a lot of little critters. Which got annoying. But some were nice. And if Mr. President didn’t have his gun at a certain time, then perhaps things would of turned out differently.

(Bird is chirping a rock-like tune)
Prez O: Wow. What’s that noise? I like it...it’s catchy.

Narrator: Tourists heard it, too. They were amazed. And chased off before they really got a chance to enjoy it, since the back yard was off-limits.

Prez O: Alexandria! ALEX!!! Where are you? Hey Al-WHOA! (He starts to find Alexandria behind him)

Alexandria Salem: Yes, mister president?

Prez O: What’s that noise? I like it. Why didn’t we have it at one of the inaugural balls?

Alex: I don’t know, sir. You booked almost every celebrity that’s had a plastic surgery, so it would be no surprise that you don’t remember it. Anyway, it’s a nightingale.

Prez O: Nightingale? A nightingale that sounds like a Les Paul? Interesting. Get it here. And bring Lila...

Alex: I’ll try, sir. (Leaves)

Prez O:(after Alex leaves, he mumbles to himself) Wait...Beyonce had plastic surgery? Amazing what you can learn from tabloids.

(Alex returns with a poor-looking girl and president Obama’s daughter. The poor girl is holding a covered bird cage.)

Prez O:(Oblivious to Lila’s and Amaris’s presence) Hey Alex, did you read that in a tabloid?

Alex: What, sir?

Prez O: The thing about Beyonce and her surgery...

Alex: It was a joke, sir.

Prez O: Really? Because I read-

Alex:(Cutting Prez O off) you can’t believe everything you read in tabloids. Anyhow, I brought your daughter and the girl who would give you that bird.

Prez O: Great!

Lila: Daddy! Missus Alex found this girl around and she said she could give the bird to you...

Prez O: That’s great, Lila. Anyhow, poor girl, what are your terms? Because I want that bird...

Amaris: Hey, man, my name is Amaris. And I want a job. And not just any job, either. I want a low-maintenance job. I don’t do work.

Nightingale: (Voice is muffled due to covering around cage) DUUUDE! Hold on a second...I ain’t no prize, man...

Prez O: (Ignoring Nighty) Uhh...you could be a maid.

Amaris: WHAT?! I DO NOT want to be cleaning up after some little brat’s mess.
(whining) And I gotta work. What’s up with thaaat??

Lila: I am NOT a little brat!

Prez O: Deal

Nighty: I am not an “it”.

Amaris: Shut up, Nighty. Anyhow, behold, the lovely talent of the nightingale!
(Under her breath) Just don’t sue me when your ears bleed...

(Amaris pulls the blanket off. Everyone is in awe of the bird.)

Alex: Holy shizcakes, that bird is beautiful. And it’s pocket-sized, too!

Lila: Daddy, daddy, make it sing something!

Alex: As long as it’s not politically incorrect...you know how your father gets...

Lila: You mean when he gets the little mouth foamies and shakes?

Alex: And poops himself.

(Amaris starts trying to conceal laughs. Prez O shoots the three females an atrocious look.)

Prez O: (Clearing his throat) Anyhow, you are quite beautiful. Sing for us! You know how much of an honor that is? HUH?

Alex: We’re having Mister President’s birthday dinner tonight. How about he sings there?

Nightingale: I can wail much better outside, but that’ll be cool.

[Soaki-chan]

Part deux:
Amaris: (Out-of-sight) Why am I in the FRIGGING KITCHEN?!

Nighty: Dude. The prez is having some kind of time! Awesome. I must be awesome. And we all have God to thank! Well, I’d say that, but it’s politically incorrect. Beggars can’t be choosers, I guess.

Narrator: The bird was treated like a celeb. He got fed, washed, whatever he wanted, he got.

Prez O: Oh yeah! We made it into the tabloids! How awesome.

Lila: Me, too?

Prez O: You, too. Hey, Lila, guess what?

Lila: What?

Prez O: Nighty and I are having a duet. It’s gonna be great!

Narrator: Great isn’t the word I’d use.

Alex: (Off stage) Unless great defines re-singing it 33 times.

Prez O: Wow. I thought we were awesome.

Nighty: You just can’t shred, man. Your back-up pipes just don’t know it.

Narrator: Our (cringes) lovely President, after several hundreds of thousands of compliments and what not, got a few complaints from a few (cringes again) lovely
Americans, claiming that they were offended by something I could care less about. So the bird was sent out. A backup was sent in. And it was a toy.

Lila: (off-stage) It was my toy.

Prez O: (Holding the toy bird) this is great. I’m glad I gave it to Lila for her birthday...(The bird breaks. Note: Someone needs to make a twang, crackle kinda sound effect. Mackenzie, you do it. You don’t have many speaking lines, right? DO IT, WOMAN!)

Narrator: He had a conniption fit.

Prez O: EEK! ALEX!!!

Alex: (Groggily) WHAAT? Eleven forty-five, Mister President. I really wish to sleep.

Prez O: There is no time for sleep! GET HILLARY! The bird broke.

Alex: It’s only a toy-

Prez O: (Cutting Alex off) Bring this bird to her. NOW.

Alex: Fine.

(Alex leaves, then re-enters with the bird still broken)

Alex: It ain’t gettin’ fixed. You most likely played it too much.

Prez O: Nooo...t-tell Lila...the bad news...

Can't fit the whole thing in one post. Part el three-ito coming up in a bit.

[Soaki-chan]

Final part!
Narrator: Five years later, for some odd reason the president was still in term yet he was terminally ill. And bothering the living daylights out of Alexandria Salem, as she, being the assistant to the president, is supposed to know everything. Alas...death was drawing nearer. And nearer.

(The scene changes to the prez with death over him. Note: Other people, off-stage, are whispering things like “Remember when he did that?” and “Yeah...remember when he vetoed this?” and “I remember! How about that time when...” etc. etc. that means you, Kennedy, Amanda, and Mackenzie.)

Prez O: (Covering his ears, directing his speech at the people off-stage. His voice is weak and pitiful sounding.) Uggghhh, why won’t you just SHUT UP! Alllleeeexxx....

Death: Sorry, Alex is incapable of coming at the moment.

Prez O: Why?

Death: Uhh...split-personality disorder?

Prez O: I want music to drown out all of this noise...what’s that girl’s name again?
Mary... Cary...Amy...AMARIS!

(Amaris enters)
Amaris: (Looking hopeful) Yes, mister president?

Prez O: You know how to play the drums?

Amaris: N...(She starts to say no, but quickly corrects herself) Uh, yes! Yes I do.

Prez O: Great. Play them.

(Amaris makes horrible offbeat bangs on the drums, which will be the tables, I guess. Death keeps smirking and rolling his/her/its eyes at everything everyone says.)

Death: Dang, girl, you think this music would be the death of him.

Amaris: Shut up! You know...it’d be much easier to get the nightingale.

Prez O: Get...him...

(Amaris exits and re-enters with the bird. At first, the bird is silent. After she drops the bird, she exits in a huff.)

Prez O: Plaaay...why won’t you?

(More silence, death gets a look of superiority on its face. Suddenly, the nightingale makes an air guitar with sound effects.)

Nighty: Washington D.C, ARE YOU READY TO JAAAAM?

Narrator: The president was enjoying it.

Death: Hey, this bird is pretty good. Play some more.

Nighty: Only if you let Prez over here have his life back.

Death:(Pauses to think for a moment) Eh, sure. What do I have to loose?

(The Prez jumps up, happy. Death leaves with a look of indifference.)

Prez O: OH YEAH, BABY! The president is BACK! Thanks, Nighty.

Nighty: Man, I made you rock so hard the first time your ears started to bleed. I’ll jam for you some more, yeah?

(Nighty starts singing)

Narrator: The president rocked himself to sleep to Nighty’s music. All was well.

Prez O: Hey, Nighty. I’ll give you Amaris’s job if you stay forever. Your music is AWESOME!
Nighty: Thanks, man. But I can’t do that. I’m a free bird...I don’t stay in one place to long.

(Lila appears. She’s now a teenager, approximately thirteen-fourteen years old.)

Lila: Ugh, enough with this friggin’ sentimental stuff. It’s getting ooold. Daddy, why don’t you pay attention to me? WHY? That bird isn’t as important as I am...daddy, get it out! OUT! Out!!!!

(Alex appears takes Lila out of sight before anyone can respond.)

Prez O: Uhh...anyway, good luck, man. Remember; be politically correct!

Nighty: Diddo, dude. Hey man, since you’re such an awesome audience member, how ‘bout a gift?

Prez O: Okay...anything you want.

Nighty: Remember, always have someone who’ll shred anything for you. Remember that!

(Nighty flies out. A few maids in the Whitehouse, which will be Kennedy, Amanda, and Grace, come in to look at the dead president. The middle one is sobbing, and the other two are comforting her.)

Prez O: Oh, good morning, girls.

(Everyone ends with the stereotypical sitcom ending: Everyone starts laughing.)